a unique post showing how to navigate polyamorous relationships – Aumag
Canadian academic Dr. Rhonda Balzarini found that polyamorous people tended to identify as bisexual/pansexual, were more likely to divorce, and made less money than monogamous couples.
They avoid all kinds of labels and usually choose “other” in the sexuality category. Their political affiliations are anarchist, progressive and democratic socialist. Balzarini found no major differences in ethnicity, challenging the stereotype that polyamorous tend to be white hippies but identify as “multiracial.”
There’s a whole new vocabulary in the subculture. I learned the term metamour, which is someone you share a romantic partner with. Liking your metamour can lead to a feeling called “compression,” which is “the feeling of elation when you see your partner being sexually happy with someone else.”
As Fern states at length in one of the chapters, fidelity, security, and boundaries must be constantly negotiated when they occur outside of traditional structures.
poly safe is ready to help with an exhaustive list of questions and activities to help partners achieve their relationship goals.
This complexity took the practice’s violent edge for this reader, but her presentation highlights the sexual politics at the Westminster level, which requires perpetual vigilance.
She uses a horse analogy to explain how attachment style affects behavior. In dealing with intimacy, a person must balance agency, autonomy, and independence with their own need for closeness and support. Fern describes a person’s attachment style as a horse’s reins that need constant readjustment to keep a person stable, although most of us tend to over-correct.
She even has an acronym that helps maintain polyamorous relationships, but one that might apply more broadly. She calls it HEART and relates to being (here), joy, attunement, expressing rituals, turning to each other after conflict and being securely attached to oneself.
Mixing a mixture of client stories and psychological theory, Fern argues that mainstream society is characterized by “proclaimed monogamy” when in fact practicing “secret non-monogamy.”
As evidence, she cites nearly 50 percent of marriages that end in divorce and about a third of adults who admit to cheating on their partners.
In a compelling observation, Fern says that Western society places too much importance on romantic love in couples. This is ultimately destabilizing, she argues. Other cultures, still steeped in family, clan, and tradition, allow for greater variations in strong attachments in adulthood, whether with siblings, relatives, or close friends.
While nonmonogamy and polygamy existed in all human cultures, the popularization of the word polyamory is credited to pagan priestess Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart in 1990. The sexual revolution of the 1960s allowed for greater sexual and gender latitude. Industrialization, shrinking families, and the separation of sex and reproduction helped. But as Fern illustrates in her book, it’s the internet that has really supercharged the alternative sexual lifestyle.
The author outlines a staggering number of online forums and apps her customers use from #open to Morethanone. Her clients emphasize the power of the Internet to normalize activities previously considered deviant behavior. Nevertheless, the discrimination persists.
In 2013, an Australian, Susan Bunning, was fired from her job at a Catholic organization. Her activities came to light after her membership of a polyamorous website was revealed.
In her final chapters, Fern addresses common concerns such as: B. how many bonds are possible and when is the right time for close relationships. At the end of her report, she is quite persuasive in her arguments that polyamory should be viewed less as a novelty and more as a valid relationship model.
But despite all my initial perceptions of debauchery, Polysecure Ultimately, power is meant to be a unique contribution to understanding the most basic of human tasks, namely how to give and receive love.
Polysafe: attachment, trauma, and consensual nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern (Writer).