“I didn’t want to be alive anymore” – Aumag Edugic

“I didn’t want to be alive anymore” – Aumag Edugic

“My world was shattered,” Shia LaBeouf said of a period in his life not so long ago that included car accidents, court-ordered rehab, emotional outbursts — including going off Broadway cabaret starring Emma Stone – as well as violent outbursts and a court case on his part Dear boy Co-star FKA Twigs has accused the actor of sexual abuse and assault. This case comes before the court in April.

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Included in the long list of life lessons was his firing of Olivia Wilde’s Buzzy Don’t worry darling. Wilde spoke about the decision for the first time in an interview with Variety this week.

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“I say that as someone who admires his work so much,” she said. “His process was not conducive to the ethos I demand in my productions. He has a process that in a way requires fighting spirit and I personally don’t think that leads to the best performances.”

LaBeouf has since admitted in an interview that he felt a need for friction and conflict to fuel his performances. It also almost drove him out of business.

“I’m nuclear at this point,” LaBeouf recalled in the interview of the time. “Nobody wants to talk to me, not even my mother. My boss doesn’t call. The agent doesn’t call. I am no longer affiliated with the business.”

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At that point, he suggested, he was ready to kill himself.

“I had a gun on the table. I was out here,” he said in the above-mentioned YouTube interview with Bishop Robert Barron of Word on Fire Catholic Ministries. “I didn’t want to be alive when this all happened. A shame I’d never experienced – the kind of shame that makes you forget to breathe. You don’t know where you’re going. You can’t go outside and become like a taco.”

LaBeouf said that his life was saved, that he came to the other side of the Dark Ages as a result of his conversion to Roman Catholicism, which research itself prompted to play the title character in Abel Ferrera’s forthcoming film about the controversial Monk of the 20th century, Padre Pio. The film has its world premiere in competition in Venice via the parallel sidebar of the Giornate degli Autori festival.

The actor revealed the genesis of the project was meeting Ferrara in a Zoom meeting for a “spiritual program” they both credit.

“I’m in this spiritual program. We have meetings. And another person who attended those meetings was Abel Ferrera.”

The actor continued, “He texted me in the chat box- ‘Do you know Padre Pio?'”

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LaBeouf says the result was that he was able to let go of what he calls “the old me” and realize that “my life has led me to cause serious pain and harm to other people.”

He even says of the person he calls “the woman who accused me of all this,” while “I wanted to go on Twitter and write all these things… I wanted to justify and explain all of this.” Now I see that… The woman saved my life. She was a saint in my life for me. She saved my life.”

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